Midget sex date sex
At the airport and in line for my ticket, I am forced to fly Midwest Airlines because they are the only airline that cares enough about Milwaukee to fly there. ” Guy “Yes sir, heading home after a vacation.” Tucker “Did you know there are midgets in Milwaukee? Whatever, they’ve never fucked a midget, they don’t matter. Do they get pissed if you set your drink on top of their head? Do they get to live in those cool apartments with the really low door handles and counters? Since their arms are too short to reach their crotches, how do they wipe? Even more to the point, what do their pussies feel like? Their Miller Lite bottles looked massive as they gripped them with both of their tiny little hands.A very nice, very Midwestern couple is in front of me. The flight was nearly intolerable; my mind was spinning with questions. Their humongous foreheads and brow ridges were raised in excitement as they laughed at a tiny little joke. I think my heart might explode.” Soylent “You are so fucking weird.” Then I saw her: My Midget Princess.The call to Junior (from “The Vegas Story,” which is only published in ) was the best: Junior “What is wrong with you?Why not just get a midget hooker and be done with it? Just because you buy Dwight Gooden’s World Series ring off Ebay doesn’t mean that you were on the ’86 Mets. My buddy Soylent Green picked me up, and we were at the Hilton hotel bar by 11pm.You could say that my sense of “Wow” is a bit numb. Six midgets at a table had me nearly catatonic, you can only imagine what 400 midgets popping and locking did.Knowing that, I ask you to put yourself in this situation and see what your reaction would be: Go to a hotel. Take note of the step stool below the button panel, with the note above it, “Please do not remove stool.” Ride the elevator up to the fifth floor. I REPEAT: HUNDREDS OF MIDGETS ARE POPPING AND LOCKING!!! And when I saw the two midgets slow dancing, but the midget guy was so short that the midget girl had to kneel to dance with him…I was done.Eventually, Soylent Green–who thinks he’s better than me because he isn’t obsessed with fucking a midget–had to take over.
He likes to play with my emotions, so I never take his text messages seriously: pm Drunk Rex: There is a midget convention at the hilton in milwaukee here with my girlfriend and [soylentgreen] is here too.
Her blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes made me think of Gwyneth Paltrow.
Her missing neck and bowlegs gave me an idea what Gwyneth would look like if placed in a vise and squished to one-quarter size.
Walk out into the hallway, and do a double take at the FLEET of Rascal scooters in the ballroom lobby (Rascals are those red motorized scooters that you always see old people on in the grocery store). Reeling from this discovery, you head into the ballroom and see approximately FOUR HUNDRED MIDGETS!!! I am honestly not sure how the next part unfolded, but I do know for damn sure I had nothing to do with it.
You might first think you stumbled into a geriatric convention, but you study the people on the Rascals, and realize something: None of their feet are touching the base. One moment I was sitting at a table in the ballroom, staring in utter disbelief at the midget dance party in front of me, the next moment, I was part of a group walking toward the elevator.